Rain

I am rain
Some people hate me
Others just love the way I am
I can be tough and bring the storms
I also can bring  someone’s  sweetest memories.
Love me or hate me,  I will always  be here. 


Jogja. 171117

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Memoar Eek

This shitty memoar is written to release some headaches and stressful thoughts in my mind , don’t read it if you don’t want to

Empat tahun pertama
Tak ada kuingat apa
Mungkin hanya bayangan samar
Ketika dulu menangis merindu ayah
Usia antara empat dan lima
Aku masuk TK
Teman teman pertama
Perkelahian pertama
Pelajaran pertama
Ibu Sutinah
Sang guru pertama
Kesombongan pertama
Saat aku lebih cepat membaca

Enam tahun
SD
Lingkaran yang meluas
Lebih rumit
Pelajaran menarik
Membawaku ranking satu tanpa cela
6 tahun di urutan pertama
Teman temanku membenci bahasa Inggris dikelas empat
Aku menyukainya
SD ku konyol.
Ada pernyataan cinta
WTF
Hanyut disungai tak pernah terjawab .
Lulus Ujian nasional SD
27.5

Usia SMP
Diminta orangtua masuk pondok pesantren
Hati tidak ingin
Tapi hati juga tak ingin buat mereka kecewa
Jauh dari orangtua
Sulit
Tinggalkan teman sebaya
Belajarku porak poranda
Tak bisa atur waktu
Tak bisa tidur malam hari
Mengantuk di pelajaran
Belum sampai UTS semester pertama
Aku sakit
3 hari
Anak lulusan SD bisa juga depresi
LOL I was so dumb back then
Kuputuskan pinjam telepon ustazah
SMS ke adiknya ayah
Esoknya ayah datang
Aku nangis
Nggak kuat
Aku belum bisa mengatur diriku sendiri
Hari itu juga aku pulang
Pulang selamanya dari pondok pesantren
Tapi aneh
Aku menangis meninggalkan pondok itu
Waktu itu aku berkata akan kembali ketika aku SMA
Jika aku lebih besar sedikit, mungkin aku lebih bisa mengatur diriku sendiri
Kemudian aku pulang
Satu hal yang tak berubah
Adalah jilbab yang kupakai

Aku pindah ke smp Negeri
Dimana teman teman SD dan tetanggaku sebagian besar disana
Langsung ikut uts
Nggak jelek2 amat hasilnya
Masuk kelas C
Jadi bully an dan bercandaan
🙂
Duduk sendirian
Semesteran
Nomor 3 se angkatan
Hehe
Nggak ada yang lain yang bisa dibanggakan
Teman teman yang rumit
Tercabik antara antagonis dan protagonis
Cinta monyet teman yang kebanyakan drama
Aku bahkan belum tau cinta
Permusuhan konyol
Hingga sesuatu
Yang membuatku trauma untuk berkawan
Backstabber bitch
Someone hurt my heart
And I backstabbed her
I made her cry
I feel so bad
I don’t want to be on everyone’s side
Thus
I become introvert
I find happiness in books
And library
I read books like crazy
Till one day
While I was reading a book during teacher’s lecture
Someone yell at me to pay attention to teacher
Well actually not yelling
He’s like
Hey! Shhh! Don’t read novels in class!
And I was like, whatever
I’ve read this lecture in home.

3rd grade
I was kinda have a crush on someone
Lol it was dumb
Nobody knows it
I just silently glare at him
Sometimes I got caught
And he smiled
LMAO SO STUPID 😂😂😂😂😂😂
But it never goes far, because well, we graduated!
Guess what, that kid is the one that told me not to read novels in class
Ha ha
Karma has no deadline

LMAO
wkwkwk
Lulus SMP
35.15
3rd place

Milih SMA
Ditanya ayah
Mau ke pondok lagi nggak?
And I said no
Karena aku punya pilihan
Aku pengen masuk SMK itu
SMK Favorit se kabupaten
Dulu pas SD
Pernah ikut kontingen lomba baris berbaris (cadangan wkwk)
Yang lombanya di SMK ini
It’s just wow
Dann aku masuk SMEA ini alias SMK favorit
Jurusan Akuntansi
I never thought that the whole class is a girl
😨
Bigger circle here
I got new friends
Then I met this drama queen
Whining all day
An professional attention whore
I used to be nice with her
And then something happened
That makes me don’t want to be her friend
Besides I got this cool gals
The Smart one, the funny one, and the funny number two
And I am the dumbest of them all
Talking about smart,
I’m not good at everything
Well except English, cuz that’s my favorite lesson
I got lowest grade at my class
These people’s here is smartass
Literally smart ass everywhere
I just can’t follow those people
But there was bitches
Who gets their scores by cheating
Well , honestly I’ve done cheating one or two times
But they’re brutal
They got textbook while exam!
Lol
I’m not gonna talk about it anymore
It’s not uncommon
Second grades at smea
I have a huge crush
He’s just perfect
I don’t know if it was fangirling or not
But it lasts even now
Sighhhh
It might be 4 yrs till now
Well shit.
We never spoke
Best interaction i get is likes and retweet in social media
I saw him with his gf, broke up, and have gf again.
We stare at each other once. Accidentally.
That’s enough for making me crazy.
Damn.
What can I do?
Nothing.
I am an idiot.
Well, it kinda motivated me to wake up everyday to go to school
Since class is stressing me out,
I was like
Get up, today might be your lucky day to see him
And whenever I saw him
My heart skipped a beat
And I got butterflies that made me sick
Hehe , idiot, I am an idiot
And there goes my 3rd grade
Somewhat in one of those exam trials
I got number 4 in local!
Nomer 4 sekabupaten nggak buruk laah wkwk
Padahal dikelas aku ranking keridewe
Nomer satunya tetep dari sekolahku juga , jurusan perkantoran
And we graduated.
35.15
Same as smp.
And then all my friends got ready for college
Not for me
I go to work
Pertama, ngelamar kerja di Pabrik garmen sebagai admin, malah keterima di Quality Control
Mana nggak bisa njahit. Cuma bertahan 3 bulan.
Kemudian nganggur.
Bulan November keterima di Koperasi tempat kakak sepupu kerja
Bertahan hampir setahun
Gegara dipindah
Lingkungan kerja nggak cocok
Keluar dah.
Nggak lama,
Keterima di pabrik as an administrator
Pabrik kecil yang sistemnya kayak manufacturer tapi dengan cabang tersebar
Bulan Februari cabang ditutup. Gaji selama 2 bulan nggak dikasihkan. Fak.
Nganggur lagi.
Depressed.
Kirim2 email ke banyak perusahaan belum ada yang manggil.

Ada panggilan, di olshop sepatu
Interview, lama nggak dipanggil2
Interview lagi sekitar 3 tempat berbeda.
Dan akhirnya saya kerja di sini.
Kota jogja yang padat dan sumuk.
Gaji kecil tapi kamar kos mahal.
Syukuri waelah

I don’t know what am I doing with my life. I just gonna get through it. Face it like a real daughter of a fighter.
Love you mom, love you dad,
Love you, ma brothers and sisters.

And now, 11 pm, 2017 is almost over and I still haven’t filled any bucket list, well life goes on anyway. I will try to make the best version of me.

Cheers 😀

Same

Insane
Day to day
Weeks, months
And years passed
It’s never change
That butterflies
Whenever I think about you
Still the same
The same way
You seem to never notice
Me

I love you, as always.
Jogja, 11.11.17 11.46 pm

I don’t believe in love

and all those poets said

but I still read it anyway

it’s easier to holding on to something unreal

but I do believe in reality

all those stories they told

that could be a lie

I’ve been lied to

now I can’t trust anyone, even myself

I know that’s terribly wrong

but I just being me

Pathetic.

Realize that I’m one of them

We live for things like arts, music, fictions, poems

When all we need is something we can hold on to


Jogja, penghujung Oktober


Rumi

Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi – Any Soul That Drank The Nectar

Any soul that drank the nectar of your passion was lifted.
From that water of life he is in a state of elation.
Death came, smelled me, and sensed your fragrance instead.
From then on, death lost all hope of me. https://goo.gl/WnesiG